Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The ADHD Epidemic -- Sedate the Parents, Not the Kids


Like good breeding yuppies (many years ago), my wife and I looked at a number of expert guides on child rearing.  We saw that the advice of "experts" spanned 180 degrees, from "breast feed the child and let him sleep with you until he decides he's had enough" to "bottle feed and put him in his own room, letting him cry things out".  We also saw that our yuppie friends tended to buy and follow the advice of the expert whose advice synced with their own intuition and needs.  So, while the yuppies purchased a book, what they really were buying was peace of mind.  

Before we lay the ADHD issue wholly at the door of big pharma, big food, big government or big education/experts, then, let's take a look at the parents.  Having your child diagnosed with something takes away the blame and the guilt (though not the worry).  Many parents who are used to performing at a 95%+ success rate at work cannot accept a child who does not perform at that same rate.  I will invite condemnation by observing that, in particular, many high-performing women who have put their careers on hold or a side track to raise kids feel guilty when they don't score 95%+ as a parent based on their children's behavior and accomplishments.  

Kids are kids.  They develop with different personalities and at different rates.  Most five-year-old boys simply cannot sit through a school day.  (Diagnosis -- boy.)  There is a range in which the child adjusts to the grown-up world and the grown-up world adjusts to the child.  The French are at one end; most Americans tend toward the other.  French children are generally well behaved, but French adults are not.  If we start raising our kids the French way, when they grow up they will no doubt trash cafes to protest globalization.  Children need and want structure to feel secure.  There is a reasonable, though not always happy or tranquil, medium.  I submit that in almost all cases, grandparents are better sources of advice than experts, and parents are more in need of sedation than kids.  Chill out.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Institutional Roadkill

In a world changing as fast as ours, what will happen to institutions in the coming years?

My wife and I are thinking about home schooling our children.  Mulling over the decision is like pulling on the proverbial loose thread of a jacket: the whole sleeve threatens to come off.

Private education has become ungodly expensive.  The Internet brings quality instruction and instructional materials to our home for free or close to it.  Need one-on-one teaching?  We've already used Skype and Facetime for speech therapy and yoga instruction.

But what about the "socialization" aspect of school?  Well, why let school administrators pick your kids' friends?  Once you break free from the school commute and school-day schedule, a huge amount of time opens up for social activities and friends of YOUR choice, not the Admissions Department's.

Institutions like constancy.  Run by human beings rather than angels, institutions also tend towards rigidity, back-office bloat, and self-interest.  At the same time, technology gives individuals increasing flexibility, efficiency and freedom to choose.

So, we started by thinking about home schooling, but the bigger question has become whether our world is evolving faster than institutions can adapt.  I can't predict the future, but I can envision the stodgy institutions of our present quickly becoming part of our past.